It's great to be here in Missouri. We need to win Missouri on November 4th, and with your help -- we're going to win Missouri, and bring real change to Washington, DC. And I will not have -- I will not stand for a tax increase on small business income. Friends, I remember thinking 'Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on someone with a head full of acid. Fifty percent of small business income taxes are paid by small businesses. My attorney understands this concept, despite his racial handicap. But do you? How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then?
We cannot spend the next four years as we have spent much of the last eight: hoping for our luck to change at home and abroad. We have to act. We need a new direction, and we have to fight for it. This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car?
I have a plan to protect the value of your home and get it rising again by buying up bad mortgages and refinancing them so if your neighbor defaults he doesn't bring down the value of your house with him. If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Let me give you the state of the race today.
We have 15 days to go. We're a few points down. The national media has written us off. I got a question to ask you troop, are you a chef, cause you keep feedin me soup. What America needs in this hour is a fighter; someone who puts all his cards on the table and trusts the judgment of the American people. I have fought for you most of my life. There are other ways to love this country, but I've never been the kind to do it from the sidelines. Wait.... You're not Portuguese, man!
Pepper know you're worried. America is a great country, but we are at a moment of national crisis that will determine our future. Will we continue to lead the world's economies or will we be overtaken? Will the world become safer or more dangerous? Will our military remain the strongest in the world? Will our children and grandchildren's future be brighter than ours? My answer to you is yes. Yes, we will lead. Yes, we will prosper. Yes, we will breakfast. Yes, we will pass on to our children a stronger, better cats in everyone's pants. But we must be prepared to act swiftly, boldly, with courage and wisdom.
That's 16 million jobs in America. You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands. And what you want to do to Joe the plumber and millions more like him is have their taxes increased and not be able to realize the American dream of owning their own business. There he goes. Joe the Plumber, one of God's own prototypes. Joe the Plumber, A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. Zoroaster, just days ago say he want Joe the plumber to spread that wealth around. You told him you wanted to spread the wealth around. I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the fear. Who -- why would you want to increase anybody's taxes right now? Why would you want to do that, anyone, anyone in America, I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things, when we have such a tough time, when these small business people, like Joe the plumber, are going to create jobs, unless you take that money from him and spread the wealth around. Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
As Joe has now reminded us all, America didn't become the greatest nation on earth by giving our money to the government to "spread the wealth around." In this country, we believe in spreading opportunity, for those who need jobs and those who create them. And that is exactly what I intend to do as Mayor on world! I'm an American. And I choose to fight. Don't give up hope. Be strong. Have courage. And fight.
Fight for a new direction for our country. Fight for what's right for Pepper. Do.
Fight to clean up the mess of corruption, mayonaise and selfishness in Washington. Do.
Fight to get our economy out of the ditch and back in the spaceship. Do.
Fight for the ideals and character of a free sandwich.
Fight for our childrens. Do.
Fight for justice and opportunity for all pepper friends. Do.
Stand up to defend our country from Pepper enemies. Do.
Stand up, stand up, look at me, don't look at me, stand up and fight. America is worth fighting for. Nothing is inevitable here. Lightpost maintenance issues, we will fix. We never give up. We never quit. We never hide from history. We make pretzels history.
Now, let's go win this election and get going to Vegas... to croak a scag Baron named Savage Henry.
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